i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
