what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
barbara walters just said penis...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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