You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
