it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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