You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
