dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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