whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
