1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
