Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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