so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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