Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
