I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
