Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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