What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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