I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
