You just made me feel so damn special
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
