Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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