drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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