Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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