im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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