Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
