why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
