It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
