I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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