Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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