how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
