he was CRYING into my vagina
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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