Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
