So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize