There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
