Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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