i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
