he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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