Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
