I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
