Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize