It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
