I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
