No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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