Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
