Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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