so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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