go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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