What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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