I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
