There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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