What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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