I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
