I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
