Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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