The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
