overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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