Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Randomize
