It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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