Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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