Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
