Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
