Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
