some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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