Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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