im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize