Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
