At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hippo gnu deer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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