I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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