Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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