Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
