I just pynch a tree in the face
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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