Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize