oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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