Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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