Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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