No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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