I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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