I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize