The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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