don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
