fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
