Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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