Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize